A Tragedy in Three Unnecessary Purchases

 

A glorious monument to modern DIY, the local B&Q. The place is roughly the size of an international football stadium, boasting thousands of spectacularly unnecessary products in stock, yet lacking the precise, singular item I actually require. Naturally. Classic B&Q move.

"Should’ve ordered it online, mate."

This was the profound piece of wisdom offered by a youth who looked like he’d been trapped in the timber aisle since 2024. My reward for physically turning up, trying to keep a fellow human in a job, and braving the fluorescent-lit abyss. Absolutely tragic.

Naturally, despite the store utterly failing my primary mission, I still managed to march to the self-checkout and part with twenty pounds for three items I didn't know existed five minutes ago. A tragedy in three parts, purchased entirely out of spite and consumer guilt. We trammed our way home defeated, yet oddly well-equipped for a crisis I have yet to identify. Foolishness.