Mr Rule Book Lives On: Surviving the Annual Competency Test

 It turns out the frantic revising was not in vain. I am delighted to report that I survived the written gauntlet today, emerging on the other side with a clean sweep: three out of three passed with flying colours. My standing as the resident rules and procedures guru remains entirely unblemished, and the legendary reputation of Mr Rule Book lives on for another year.

The real test of endurance, however, wasn't the exams themselves. It was the bonus training session that followed, dedicated to dealing with vulnerable customers. It is undeniably an important topic and vital work, but presenting it immediately after three hours of intense technical testing is a bold strategy. I am proud to report I managed to keep my eyelids firmly open throughout, which feels like a victory in its own right.

This is precisely why I put myself through a few days of aggressive revision beforehand, endlessly reviewing the obscure procedures I devoutly hope I never have to use in real life. It avoids the sheer indignity of a resit, keeps the distant depots at bay, and guarantees that when a junior colleague asks a terrifyingly niche rule question, I can still answer with supreme, effortless authority.